Getting the short end of the stick

How to navigate the world with a smaller stick

A general rule of thumb that I attempt to abide by as I navigate through the nuances of social relationships, is to sidestep the more sensitive topics that have a tendency to upset. It is often said to never ask a man for his salary, a woman for her age, and (my own addition) a man for his height.

Why, you might ask.

Well, height had been a rather sensitive topic for me. I go by many names, “the vertically challenged guy”, “the midget” etc. If it hasn’t been made clear enough, I am short. This affliction of mine had been what some might say a thorn in my side, or more precisely a splinter in the foot, where the pain from it isn’t enough to send you reeling, but the dull throbbing ache that accompanies each and every action is sufficient to remind you of its presence in your life. Indeed, I find myself constantly reminded of this issue whenever I spend my time in public amongst taller folks (which is almost everyone). Perhaps it might be difficult for taller people to empathise, but being blessed with short height does certainly make it harder to gain the respect of others, or to attract a mate of the opposite gender. All these seems especially frustrating, given that height is largely influenced by one’s own genetics, which is something outside our realm of control.

This issue is something that I have grappled with in the past. Given my short stature, I initially felt rather insecure, being acutely aware of the disparity in height between my peers and I. This has of course been in no small part a source of anguish in my life. I suppose a part of me has trouble accepting the fact that I am condemned to live with such a disadvantage for the rest of my existence.

I do think that time heals all wounds. After some time, something dawned upon me, and I learned to tolerate and perhaps even embrace the situation in which I found myself in.

As simple and as banal as it might sound, height is not the be all end all. Sure it will be ideal if I were taller, but you were born in this body and you will die in this body. As such you can only play the cards that you are dealt with, there is no other option.

When faced with this inevitable fact, there are two possible roads for me to traverse. One would be to bitterly shake my fist at the sky, and go about my day living and breathing resentment, complaining about the sheer unfairness of life. The other route would be to realise that given that this issue of ours is immutable, it would be of no use whining about it, and the best thing to do is to adapt. I chose the latter path.

Something that I feel rather proud of, has been my ability to bounce back from adversity without much of a hiccup. When confronted with the unfortunate incident, I tell myself it is what it is and then move on. I knew that throwing a temper tantrum would not be helpful in the slightest. Far from it, indulging in self pity is just merely wasting away precious time. I realised that there are other aspects in life that can be optimised through hard work and effort, to compensate for my inaedequacies. For example I decided to start going to the gym to build muscle, to become more physically attractive, in an attempt to compensate for my height. Looking back, the things that we were ashamed and embarrassed of, have their brighter, more positive side, in that it fueled our efforts to better and improve ourselves, so much so that I sometimes wonder to myself whether I would be the person I am today if not for my defects. It then makes you question in turn, whether they really were the curses you thought they were, or a blessing in disguise.

Perhaps you should change your perspective on your “affliction”. Instead of perceiving it as an impediment, reframe it as an opportunity. It is such hardships that made you the person you are or the person that you could be. Back to the example about my short height. If I were blessed with genetics that gave a tall stature, chances are I would not have went to the gym to build muscle, I would not be the same person as I am now. So as corny as it sounds, do think in a more optimistic and positive manner, see the opportunity in adversity. It is such challenges that make us more competent and capable people as they force us to grow and improve.

One might envision a trampoline. If you were to jump on the trampoline to propel you to greater heights, you must accept the fact that you will sink below the original point at which you are standing. Adopting a Physics lens, sinking downwards provides the potential energy which can then be converted to kinetic energy which then sends you upwards to a greater height. Might we adopt the same mindset in the face of our inaedequacies.

Of course, this does not apply singularly and exclusively to height. It doesn’t matter whether you were born with intellectual disabilities, or haemophilia or down syndrome, or any other genetic defects that exists in the human race. Even if you were born with the worst genetics the world has ever seen, what matters isn’t what you were born with, but what you choose to do with your life.

One dosen’t need to look very hard to find other people who are much more disadvantaged, and yet manage to succeed in their endeavours. Search up Nicholas James Vujicic online. He was born with tetra-amelia syndrome, where he had no arms and legs. I am pretty sure that the majority of you lot are much more fortunate than him. In spite of his disabilities, he did not lose his will to live, he strived to make the most of his life, becoming a motivational speaker that inspired millions across the world. He certainly had it worse than you, yet he is by societal standards, a successful person. He has a family with 4 beautiful children, he has a net worth of $500,000. It might sound corny, but if he can do it, why can’t you?

Whenever I look back at my past self, there is always a certain degree of disbelief. A disbelief at how idiotic and dysfunctional my past self was. I nevertheless take it as a testament to the growth I have experienced, evidence of the blood, toil, sweat and tears I have put in to become the person I am today. Likewise, a part of me feels rather amused. I can’t help but chuckle at the thought of my insecure, height obssessed younger self. When I previously mentioned that time heals all wounds, it is certainly the case, but it takes an awful long time, a period of time that the present me and you are likely too impatient to wait for. And so a useful tool would be to visualise yourself on your deathbed at a ripe age. WIth the last few dying breaths your body can muster, you reminisce of the experiences you had, you might think of your loved ones, of your family and friends, perhaps of the achievements you made. I would wager that you wouldn’t even spare a thought on your inaedequacy. And so, is it really that earth shatteringly significant? Does it really define your entire existence? In most cases the answer is no. If it is so unimportant, why waste your time whining about it?

In a nutshell, getting a short stick is no reason to feel upset. After all, its just a stick.