I think that society, be it the education system, be it our friends, be it our parents all espouse the virtue of caring about others, and other people in your community. That is all well and good, if we become all to individualistic, our society would undoubtedly become disunited and incoherent, one that is unable to work together in times of crisis. Therefore, we believe that selfishness, or self-centredness is something undesirable, something to be frowned upon, something that deserves all the social ostracising and ridicule in the world. However, I posit that selfishness as well as caring for others do certainly have their place, but in different contexts. Let me explain. If we were to completely adhere to the ideals of caring and helping others, we would consequently expand all our time and energy on other people, time and energy that is limited in nature, that could be used for our own selves with our own benefit in mind. That might be spending the time educating yourself, reading books, or exercising. The thing is, if we were to divert every second of our waking existence, to the purpose of living for others, we would consequently not have any time for ourselves. Instead, I think we would all benefit from a healthy dose of selfishness. Do note I say “healthy” because selfishness can be compared to the likes of medicine, it certainly has advantageous effects if taken at the right dose, but there is always the risk of taking too much, which might present deleterious side effects. A healthy dose of selfishness is the way to go because if one were to only care and fend for themselves, acting in a self-centred manner, it will certainly draw the ire of other people in the community, who would perceive you as a self-serving scumbag, that only looks out for his own interest, and would happily sacrifice the wellbeing of the collective in favour of your own benefit, something that I am sure would not be particularly well received. I do think that it is in the interest that we remain in good terms with other people in our community or really just our social circle, such that they are willing to form bonds of friendship with us, because life would be incredibly dull and dreary without the colourful elements that are our social relationships. Simply put, becoming successful is of less fun if you have no one else to share in your rewards and to celebrate in your triumphs.
So how does one find the appropriate balance? There are periods of time in our lives in which selfishness is warranted, that being our early years in our lives where we are trying to stand on our very own two feet, where we are trying to establish ourselves financially. This crucial period definitely requires hard work and most important of all, time. You can’t have various responsibilities tying you down. It’s like attempting to swim to the surface of a body of water with a person attached to you. You aren’t getting anywhere. At the end of the day, both of you will meet a cold watery death. That hardly seems to be a win-win situation. Instead, I suggest you remove the person that is weighing you down and then swim to the surface before you think of ways to help the person underwater. This is a hard, gruesome, decision that I am sure some people may not be a fan of, because it probably isn’t morally righteous to leave your companion struggling underwater. But the reality we live in is often times hard and gruesome as well. This means difficult decisions have to be made to ensure that everyone benefits at the end of the day. And more often than not this entails acts of selfishness. That means if your friend asks you if you can come over and help them move, you have to possess sufficient ruthlessness and a cutthroat attitude to respectfully decline, with tact and grace such that you don’t hurt their feelings. Of course there are exceptions, like if your parent were bed ridden and you needed to take care of them then do take the time to do so. But in most cases, we need to be selfish. Every second of our time should be used purposefully and meaningfully towards the goal in which we are reaching for, in order to become successful in whatever endeavour we are pursuing. A good question to harass yourself with when making decisions in your daily life, is to ask whether this action that you are about to undertake brings you closer to that goal of yours. This mental framework ensures that every decision that you make is congruent with your wider aspirations.
Perhaps when one becomes successful do they have the room to take their foot off the gas pedal, to expand one’s own field of view to greater society and make the contributions that benefit others. This is the time for you to help and care for others to your heart’s delight.
In a nutshell, no matter what they say, stay true to your mission and goals, with a selfish heart.