Having inhabited this good earth for some period of time, I myself have had the pleasure of witnessing many bizarre things, so much so that I have found myself becoming increasingly accustomed to weird sights. At this point, I would be inclined to consider myself a veteran in that respect.
Might it be a result of prolonged exposure to the internet, or the product of being situated in a perculiar environment, but things of a seemingly perculiar nature rarely do arouse within me a curious spirit. Rather, such instances often gloss over my mind.
However, in writing this post there was a rather recent incident that really did stick to my mind like a plaster that has annealed all too tightly to me, where even the sharpest of fingernails are incapable of extricating it.
I previously had the pleasure of dining at a food court, and interestingly so, I found myself surveying 2 children, each dining with their respective families. What seemed to strike me was the fact that those two children were enraptured by a seemingly innocuous rectangular box.
That’s right, I am talking about the mobile phone, the shimmering siren that ensnares young souls in its entrapping tune, the infernal rectangle forged from the depths of temptation that is the great devourer of attention spans.
You might have guessed, that these children were very much obsessed with the screen in front of them, so much so that never once did their eyes peel off from it to take in their surroundings.
Now would be an excellent opportunity to bemourn the state of the younger generation and lament the devolving of the human species as we know it, into spineless phone obsessed trogolytes. Nevertheless, I shall reisist the urge.
Rather, what intrigued me was the fact that their parents were trying to talk to them while they were staring blankly at their screens in a state of mindless stupor, where they were incapable of even mustering a response, much less a half hearted response. Instead they merely stared at the screen reactionless, as if it were the only thing that mattered in this world.
I don’t really know why, but witnessing such instances of children disrespecting their parents pains me in the most profound manner.
After all, these individuals however flawed they might be, raised you up. They fed you, they clothed you, they bathed you.
They were there to shoulder the burden in your bleakest moments.
They were there to cheer you on in your finest victories.
Almost everything we have, we owe to them. And yet, when we stand on a platform for a long enough time, we naively assume that it will always prop us up.
In other words, we take them for granted, so much so that we wage war over the slightest bit of disagreement, so much so that we defy their authority against their better judgement, so much so that we coldly ignore them over dinner tables in favour of dancing pixels on a screen.
Such an act, in my opinion is nothing short of a backstab of the most egregious, heart wrenching nature.
From how critical of a tone I adopt in describing such individuals, one might be led to believe that I myself was never guilty of such a crime, but that could not be further from the truth. Perhaps the reason why I write such a strongly worded paragraph, is not to criticise others, but more so to criticise myself, the very perpetrator of such ungrateful acts. Perhaps that is why I feel such a deep sense of despair writing and thinking about it.
If you were to ask me, I do believe that such things stem from a chronic lack of gratitude. And its of course no wonder, living in a world of sublime comfort, where everything one could ever ask for is well within reach, that one learns to take things for granted.
The ironic thing about today’s society is that the importance of gratitude is recognised more than ever. And yet, it is merely an oft mentioned concept that we pay lip service to while failing to practice in actuality.
Its superficial form manifests itself only in the occassional “thank you” to a random stranger that you come across, where it is more so of a pleasantry than an actual expressing of gratitude.
Why the ingratitude?
Might it be charecteristic of modern developed societies, but I find that when things go awry, certain people of an ungrateful kind become irritated and annoyed, where they find fault in the minute and the insignificant. Should the escalator malfunction, it would almost certainly draw the ire and righteous fury of these people. Should the air conditioner go out of action, heaven hath no fury.
Too ensconced are we in the modern day comforts that we unfortunately take them for granted. So much so that we develop some sort of entitlement mentality, where we believe that we are owed certain things rather than to graciously appreciate them as they come.
On another note, I just so happen to be an ardent fan of history. I do think that history, in all its morbid details is the greatest story ever told by men. While certain individuals might scoff at its utility in today’s dynamic, fast paced and future oriented world, I beg to differ. Perhaps we ought to learn a bit of history to appreciate the progress that we have achieved as humans.
Indeed, If you were to pluck out a 19th century man and transport him through time to this very day, he would be absolutely and utterly flabbergasted, because the world of today would be completely unrecognisable to him.
It should be noted that the people of old survived on the bare minimum, relative to today’s standards. In the 1800s, the average person subsisted on a meagre sum of $2.00 or lower. If we were to put ourselves side by side with them, it would be akin to putting a king next to a peasant. Indeed, we live like kings, we eat like kings, and we unfortunately complain like kings. Meanwhile, our ancestors did not have electricity, they did not have heaters, they instead needed to go through the pains of setting up and maintaining a fire just to keep things warm. And of course they did not have access to air conditioners.
It is a real shame, that we modern day humans have forgotten this stark truth.
A case for gratitude
I don’t know why, but for me personally, I tended to perceive the concept of gratitude as a woo woo spiritual gimmick, where any mention of it engenders a mind numbing, cringing sensation. You might call me pragmatic, or down to earth, but I needed practical reasons to practice gratitude and chances are you might need them too.
I was recently reviewing the book how to win friends and influence people. And the very first chapter, which was to “never criticise, condemn or complain” did strike a chord within me. Perhaps Dale Carnegie only meant for that to apply to social situations. After all who would want to get close to a perpetually complaining, ever whining crybaby. So do it not only for your sake, but for that of others as well.
Perhaps on a more deeper and profound level, gratitude alters how one sees and experiences life itself. If one were to adopt a purely mechanistic lens, life simply boils down to things happening to us, and us perceiving and reacting to it.
Objectively speaking, our experiences are neither good nor bad, right nor wong, they just simply are. The way we view and perceive them, are very much influenced by the judgements we form about them, and these judgements in turn are a result of the narratives we create around them.
I do think in life, there exists two breeds of men. When struck with adversity and misfortune, a certain type of person might shake their fist at the heavens, bemoaning the many mishaps they have been dealt in life. In their blinkered view that is tinged by indignation and discontentment, they see such happenings as nothing short of another burden to carry.
Yet one could easily imagine, when dealing with the same problem, another type of individual who would perceive it as a challenge waiting to be overcome with an upright zeal. They see not a mess that needs to be slogged through painstakingly, but rather an opportunity.
An opportunity to grow.
An opportunity to transcend one’s own boundaries.
An opportunity to alchemise setbacks into stepping stones to success.
The mentality we adopt in viewing life, is much like a coloured lens, that influences the way we perceive things.
If we choose a lens that is of a doomy and gloomy nature, would we not grow depressed and resentful as a result?
Conversely, if we were to adopt a lens of gratitude, would we not be appreicative of everything that happens to us? The good the bad the ugly.
Didn’t get the grades you wanted in a test? Good, you learned from your mistakes.
Didn’t get the job position you desired? Good, you now know what skills you are lacking.
Didn’t get the outcome you wanted? Good, you now have a chance to grow, adapt, and come back stronger than ever.
At the end of the day, gratitude enables us to convert our saddest and most painful moments, into advantageous opportunities. What more of a superpower could one want?
Counting your Blessings
Weird as it might seem, I consider it a privilege to die of cancer.
I would like to say it again.
I consider it a blessing for me to die of heart disease.
Might that be one of the weirder sentences that you have read this week, but do hear me out on this one. While the media and people out that might endeavour in convincing you that this is the worst time to be alive, I beg to differ.
Never has there been a time in which one had ample opportunity to live life to the fullest, to indulge in life’s many pleasures, to go through the day without a worry of one’s own safety. Indeed, dying of smallpox at the age of 10, or starve to death during a famine, or to get jumped by a band of roving bandits would be an absolute shame of the most shameful kind.
To not have to go through all that, I would be thanking my lucky stars.
So well written Joel!! It was a great read from start to finish! You made some really excellent points! I loved the statement you made here:
"Objectively speaking, our experiences are neither good nor bad, right nor wong, they just simply are. The way we view and perceive them, are very much influenced by the judgements we form about them"
I have judged my experiences as awful at one time and lived in absolute misery!! When I let go of that and moved to a different view that's when I started to live!! And live well!! Thanks so much for writing this!!