The reticence to step on toes
From what I have observed in my own society, there is this general reticence to bring up controversial issues, issues that might be discomforting, that might draw outrage. There was this girl that I know, who looks insanely thin, where there isn’t any meat on the bone so to speak, and that the veins are out there for all to see. If you were to picture her in your mind, she wouldn’t be far off from the poverty stricken, starving Africans the charity organisations are banging the drum about. Clearly, there was something wrong about her, my best guess is that she is struggling with anorexia. Now when confronted with such a scenario, what would one do? When I discussed the issue with others who are better acquainted with her, they were very much astonished that I brought it up, treating it as this sort of taboo topic that should not be addressed. Why is that? It is because we seek not conflict. We don’t want to unnerve people; we don’t want to unsettle others and so we maintain a wilful blind eye to the problems of others.
Such people often masquerade as this ultra compassionate, loving, caring, empathetic paragon of virtue for not broaching on such controversial issues. But would it be a stretch for me to characterise such sanctimonious bozos as downright selfish. They are fully aware that having a hard conversation with the person in question will prove to be uncomfortable for them themselves. Better to save their own hide, rather than to save a life. Do you see the self-centeredness inherent within such individuals? I believe that one of humanity’s greatest failings is the preference to be right rather than to be effective, and so in the name of being politically correct we try our hardest to avoid the landmines that dot around our own lives, forsaking our moral responsibility to lend succour to others in times of need. Yet sometimes jumping on such landmines head on is the way to go. A moment of unpleasantness is infinitely better than a lifetime of regret. Yes, I do believe that the talking about of controversial issues concerning one’s own life rather counter intuitively constitutes helping others. When we discuss difficult issues, we first of all acknowledge it, we put the problem out there for all to see, such that no one can remain wilfully unaware to the situation on hand. Then, we can utilise our collective brain mass to formulate a solution to the problem. This idea of discussing difficult issues is quite similar enough to the argument for free speech, which was established for the reason of providing opportunity to discuss difficult, controversial issues without fear of reprisal. The forefathers of free speech believed that this right should be protected at all costs, because they realised that of all the issues in the world, the things we are reluctant to discuss are probably the most pressing, the most demanding of attention and the most influential.
This talking about and discussing of uncomfortable issues also touches on what true, authentic friendship should be. There is this concept known as fair weather friend, who is happy to spend time with you when your life is proceeding just fine, but quite coincidentally, quite mysteriously vanishes into a puff of smoke when things go awry, as they inevitably do. If a friend of yours is unwilling to discuss difficult issues and is only focused on having “good vibes” so to speak, I think it is safe to regard such individuals as superficial friends who do not deserve your valuable time and attention.
And so in the navigation of your social relationships, shy not away from confronting the difficult, meeting the uncomfortable, and facing the controversial head on because you will never comprehend how much of a positive impact you could manage. When you witness a person who is evidently having a bad time, hesitate not to ask them “what’s wrong with you.” Perhaps not as abrupt and crude, perhaps in a more diplomatic manner depending on the context of course, but you get the gist. If they rebuff your advances, because they desire some space then let it be. But I would be inclined to think that the world would be in a lot better shape if we were to be more proactive in our interventions.
In a nutshell, what you call compassion, I call evil. What you call unpleasant, I call mercy. You pick your poison; I will pick mine.